The silent cry - The silent scream

Dearest Daddy

Yesterday I was reminded of the famous painting by Edvard Munch - "The Scream" or "The Cry". A painting that the painter felt so intense about that he has painted different versions in different mediums of this one painting. A painting so well known that it has been used in various ways and for various reasons over the years - even "The Simpson's" has ripped it off. A simple Google search produces page after page of images of copies or replications or dramatizations of this one painting that is more than a 100 years old.

Why? 

Why does an old painting depicting pain, horror, crying, anguish still hold the attention of the world so many decades later?

What is it about this painting that speak to us even today in the 21st century?

Is it because so many people are walking around with a silent scream lodged in their throats and chests?

Is it because we live in a world of masks hiding our pain and showing the world only what we believe the world wants to see?

Is it because we are so busy trying to be super humans, and super Christians that we are too scared for the world to see our silent screams?

Is it because so many people wants to find a bridge, a lonely and quiet place and just scream and scream and scream to heaven?

How many of us are walking around with a silent scream, a cry to be seen and to be loved and to be held and to be heard?

How many of us are holding in the scream of pain from difficulties, abuse, not coping, loneliness, problems, worries, illness behind a smile?

How many of us are hiding a need for love and care behind the answer "I am well/ fine/ good and you?"

How many of us are holding in a silent scream from bitterness, jealously, hatred, pain, rejection, disappointment, bad self image, feeling lost, not understanding what is happening or not happening to us, behind a face of serenity and supposed strength? 

Daddy and Sweet Jesus

Only at your feet do we find a release for our silent scream. Only at your feet can we be totally honest and take of the masks and the face and show You the truth inside our hearts and minds.

You know when we just need to be held in silent love

You know when we need a kick in the backside to get us going out of our self-misery

You know when we need understanding and compassion

You know when we need a word of advise

You know when we need intervention and help

You know when we have reached the end of all our resources and cannot move forward anymore

You know when we are being killed by the silent scream

You know when we do not want a sermon, platitudes and nice advise, empty words

You know when we cannot face another sermon or speech about faith

You know when we want to scream hearing about the wonderful and perfect lives of other people, how you work in their lives and how they cannot stop talking about themselves in their holiness

You know when we feel like crawling out of our own skin

You know

You know

You know  

Dad, Jesus Christ and Holy Spirit

Thank You for never judging and finding me too light, lacking, weak, not worthy

Thank You for not wanting to make me anything except that which You have created me to be

Thank You for knowing and still loving me

Thank You for never rejecting me

Thank You for understanding 

Thank You for grace and mercy - unending

Thank You for burning in me like a roaring fire

Thank You for hearing and answering my silent scream - so many times
Thank You for holding on even in the times of my silent screams

Thank You for the promises and blessings spoken over my life and that not one word from Your mouth will ever come back void and empty

Thank You

Psalm 35 (King James Version)

 ²¹Yea, they opened their mouth wide against me, and said, Aha, aha, our eye hath seen it.
 ²²This thou hast seen, O LORD: keep not silence: O Lord, be not far from me.
 ²³Stir up thyself, and awake to my judgment, even unto my cause, my God and my Lord.
 ²⁴Judge me, O LORD my God, according to thy righteousness; and let them not rejoice over me.
 ²⁵Let them not say in their hearts, Ah, so would we have it: let them not say, We have swallowed him up.
 ²⁶Let them be ashamed and brought to confusion together that rejoice at mine hurt: let them be clothed with shame and dishonour that magnify themselves against me.
 ²⁷Let them shout for joy, and be glad, that favour my righteous cause: yea, let them say continually, Let the LORD be magnified, which hath pleasure in the prosperity of his servant.
 ²⁸And my tongue shall speak of thy righteousness and of thy praise all the day long.

Info on "The Scream" from Wikipedia
The Scream (Norwegian: Skrik; created in 1893–1910) is the title of expressionist paintings and prints in a series by Norwegian artist Edvard Munch, showing an agonized figure against a blood red sky. The landscape in the background is the Oslofjord, viewed from the hill of Ekeberg, in Oslo (then Kristiania), Norway.
 
Edvard Munch created several versions of The Scream in various media. The Munch Museum holds one of two painted versions (1910, see gallery) and one pastel. The National Gallery of Norway holds the other painted version (1893, shown to right). A fourth version, in pastel, is owned by Norwegian businessman Petter Olsen. Munch also created a lithograph of the image in 1895.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Scream

Bankruptcy - GOD

Dearest Daddy

What a horrible feeling knowing that I have reached total bankruptcy. That the tanks are empty and there are no reserves left to fall back on.
- Emotional reserve = empty
- Spiritual reserve = empty
- Financial reserve = empty
- Relational reserve = empty
- Intellectual reserve = empty
- Physical reserve = empty

What a good place to be in, because now I have nothing to hold back, to keep as a back-up, to rely on.

Just Your hand of love and grace and mercy to cling to with and for my life.

Dearest Daddy

I only have You left.
I have messed up
I have sinned
I have done wrong
I have given up

I only have You left
You are my Rock
You are my Salvation

You are my Grace
You are my Strength
You are my Insight
You are my Knowledge
You are my Wisdom
You are my Provider
You are my Protector
You are my Healer
You are my Restorer

Dearest Daddy

You are my all and my only
Thank you that I know You are going to change my tears into joy





Through the tears I hold on to Your hand.
I cry
   Jesus
    Jesus
     Jesus

My Saviour
                Save me!!!!!

                In You alone I trust

Psalm 126;(The Message)

A Pilgrim Song

It seemed like a dream, too good to be true, when God returned Zion's exiles.

We laughed, we sang,

we couldn't believe our good fortune.

We were the talk of the nations—

"God was wonderful to them!"

"God was wonderful to us;

we are one happy people.

"God, do it again—

bring rains to our drought-stricken lives

So those who planted their crops in despair

will shout hurrahs at the harvest, 

5They who sow in tears shall reap in joy and singing.
"6He who goes forth bearing seed and weeping [at needing his precious supply of grain for sowing] shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.

So those who went off with heavy hearts

will come home laughing, with armloads of blessing.

Darkness to Light

Good morning Dearest Abba

It is a cold, stark and dreary morning. The sky is an icy blue and I am sitting here on a cold metal step, in front of a revamped container. The person that I confirmed my meeting with is not here and seems to be off sick for the day and nobody knows what to do about the work we have planned to do. Here I sit, my feet and nose has gone numb, around me are heaps of garbage, rejects and off casts of industry, waiting to be recycled and made new.

It is noisy, dirty, fumes in the air, gray and uninspiring. Everybody is in overalls and grimy from the work they do. Trucks are revving, cranes are creaking, metal are being banged and dropped. It is just so dead, so empty, so stark.

But in front of me there is a little oasis of beauty, a patch of well kept grass, with trees and shrubs, pots and an architecturally well designed building, bringing warmth and colour to the bleak surroundings. I sit here and suddenly I realised this is what You are to me.

You are my patch of beauty in this world of gloom and starkness. You are showing me that in the midst of all the garbage there is beauty. You are leading me out of the darkness into the light. You fill me with renewed energy and strength to take one step at a time towards renewal, towards love, joy, peace, patience, friendliness, goodness, gentleness, kindness, humbleness and self control through Your Amazing Grace.

God, what would I be if it was not for Your Grace?
God, what would I be if it was not for Your Love?
God, what would I be if it was not for Your Mercy?

God, where would I be today if it was not for Your presence in my life?
God, where would I be today if You do not hold tightly onto me?
So many times, so often I am ready to give in to the monsters crawling all over my mind and emotions.
So many times, so often I am ready to give up in the face of the forces of evil and darkness closing in on me.
So many times, so often I am on the verge of losing hope and even my faith.

But, You are my Rock, my Fortress, my Hope, my reason for getting up again and going on.
You are the reason I can continue every day
You are the reason I keep on believing in today and tomorrow
You are the reason I keep putting one foot in front of the other
You are the reason I keep on going.

You are the reason I do what I do and cling to a vision of being a patch of beauty and hope to others feeling the same way I do.
You are the reason I strive to be grace to the world around me, so that I can reflect Your unconditional grace and hope.
You are the reason why I have a burning desire to take others by the hand and help them take one step at a time out of the darkness into the light.

I can nothing without You my God.
I do not have the knowledge, insight, wisdom and power to do it on my own.
I do not have the energy or faith to do it on my own.
I do not have the ability to bring to fruit the vision, the dream, the passion on my own.

I bring You the cry of my heart and I lay it at Your feet Abba, in the name of Jesus Christ.
I bring You my weakness and powerlessness.
I cry to You to open the path before me and to lead me where You need me to be.

I cannot do this without You my God.
I cannot!
I cannot!
I cannot!

I can do this WITH You my God
I can!
I can!
I can!

I can do all this through him who gives me strength. - Philippians 4:13

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 4:6-7

Psalm 119:105 "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path"

I love You Abba
Your Princess

Hercules and the ants

My GREAT and BIG Father

I suddenly realised how small I have made You all my life. We see these movies or hear the songs or read these stories about the battles between You and the enemy and they depict You and the enemy as equals in the battle. They depict your army as just being better organised and disciplined and that is why they win against the unorganised, infighting, undisciplined army of the enemy.

That is not the only truth. The bigger truth is that You are just stronger and bigger and mightier and more powerful than the enemy can ever hope or dream to be in any lifetime.

You are like Hercules and the enemy and his cronies area like ants. You can blow them away with a whisper, squash them with your small tone or your thumb. Their threats and curses and evil ways do not even have a slight effect on You. You blow it of like a bug, You squash the enemy like a bug. They are just a nuisance and a bug to You, the Almighty, All Powerful, All Present.

I love You and are so glad YOU are MY DAD.
Your empowered daughter.

Genade

Goeiemiddag Pappie

Genade is net nie iets wat vir my sin maak nie. Maak nie saak hoeveel ek daaroor lees en dink nie. Dit is nie 'n term wat deel is van ons alledaagse woordeskat nie.

Genade vir daardie een wat my so seer maak
Genade vir daardie een wat my so kwaad maak
Genade vir daardie een wat my so bekommerd maak
Genade vir daardie een wat my so in die rug steek
Genade vir daardie een wat my so teleurstel
Genade vir my eie onvermoëns, eie sondes, eie teleurstellings is ook maar oppervlakkig

Genade is net nie 'n begrip wat maklik kom nie en daarom is dit n begrip wat moeilik is om my kop om te kry, om my gedagtes tasbaar te laat maak, om die omvang van te verstaan.

Dankie Abba, dat U nie genade uitdeel met dieselfde maatstaf waarmee ons dit uitdeel nie, want dan was ek regtig in die moeilikheid.

Dankie Abba dat U genade onvoorwaardelik is
Dankie Abba dat U genade sonder einde is.
Dankie Abba.

Trust & Faith & Servanthood

Abba

Trust without Faith is empty and Faith without Trust is empty. 

Faith without Serving is empty and Serving without Faith is as empty.

I proclaim my trust in You God, but do I trust?

I proclaim my faith in You God, but do I believe?

I proclaim my hands and feet and mouth and gifts and money are Yours, but do I serve?

You ask me to trust You with 10% of my income in faith that You will honour Your promises and provide the other 90% I need.

You ask me to trust You with one day in the week and spend it on You, in faith that You will walk with me the other six days and let it fall into place.

You ask me to trust You with the desires of my heart, that in Your perfect time it will be fulfilled.

You ask me to dream and believe.

You ask me to put my hand in Yours, to walk with absolute faith on the path You are leading me on, trusting implicitly that Your path is the right path.

You ask me to service with humbleness and trust/believe that You will reward me, instead of the instant gratification of the immediate rewards from those around me.

You ask me to service in dirt and blood and undignified situations, like the priest who had to slaughter and offer and burn in the dirt and blood and smells and heat and fire of the temple, the glamour not in the actual task, but in Your presence and the reward afterwards.

You ask me to live a life of joy and energy and optimism and, yes FAITH in the immediate and future.

You ask me to stand on Your promises and KNOW that everything will work out good for those who believe in YOU!

You ask my . . .

FaITh

LOvE

SerVICe

I give it with great difficulty.

I am so sorry God Father

I am so sorry Jesus Christ

I am so sorry Holy Spirit

I am so sorry

Peace is not the absence of trouble but the presence of God.

Skyn liggie Skyn lig SKYN LIG