Ek - net ek

Goeie middag Pappa

Ek wonder hoekom dit my so lank neem om dinge te snap, wat dit van my kop en ore reg na die kern van my wese sak? U geduld met ons is darem regtig ver bo my begrip en verstom my elke dag.

Ons word vandag so gebombardeer met inligting. Dit is 7 stappe van die en 6 wette van daai en 10 gewoontes van so. Elke opinie in die wêreld word bespreek en beskryf en beboek en beblog en bewebwerf. Ons is soos die Grieke van ouds wat alles debateer het en alles toegelaat het, maar tog verwag het dat almal dieselfde is op die einde van die dag.

So is ons selfs in die kerk. Die een bring die "resep" uit vir 'n suksesvolle kerk en ALMAL volg die boek. Daardie een sê dit is die pad om te volg en slaaf volg ons dit. Dan is daar iemand met die regte manier van bid en die regte manier van projekte hanteer en die kerk soos 'n besigheid hanteer en soos skape hardloop ons almal agterna.

Kom daar iemand wat sê ons moet weer bietjie dink en luister vir onsself en persoonlik met U praat, dan word daardie persoon omtrent uit die kerk gegooi oor sy of haar radikale gedagtes.

 Op einde van die dag is ons soos die tieners, hoe harder ons probeer om anders te wees hoe meer lyk en dink en praat ons almal dieselfde. Die vormpie word gemaak en ons doen alles in ons vermoë om binne daardie vormpie te pas. Hoe meer ons in die vormpie pas, hoe ongelukkiger word ons, met 'n konstante hinkering na iets, maar weet nie wat nie.

Tog is dit nie wat U vir en van ons wil hê nie. U vier ons uniekheid. U verheug U oor ons individuele persoonlikheid. U verbly U oor U skepping, elkeen persooonlik en by die naam. Handgemaak en besonders. Nie 'n industriële loopband waarop vormpie na vormpie uitgedruk word nie, almal dieselfde en eenders nie.

U wil net hê ek moet ek wees. Met my eie gawes en talente en samestelling.

U wil hê ek moet my eie persoonlikheid in elke ding wat ek doen en aanpak afstempel.

U verwag nie van my om anders te wees, of soos ander te wees of te konformeer nie.

U verwag net dat ek U Woord gehoorsaam, in 'n persoonlike verhouding met U moet staan en my eie mens wees uitlewe in dit wat U op my hart sit.

Al wat U wil hê  is dat ek, ek moet wees.

Hoe lank het dit nie geneem om by die bevrydende besef uit te kom nie.

Ek kan maar ophou studeer en die "antwoord" vind en eerder net my algemene kennis uitbrei deur verskillende opinies en uitgange te bekyk en dan voor U voete kom sit en weet U gaan my laat doen soos dit reg is vir my.

Dankie dat U my geskep het - net soos ek is.

Dankie dat U my gebruik - net soos ek is.

Dankie dat U stil verheug is oor my - net soos ek is.

Dankie dat U skeppingskrag deur my werk - net soos ek is.

Dankie dat U nie my persoonlikheid, my gawes of talente verander nie, maar dit net meer en meer in U beeld vorm - elke dag.

U unieke dogter 

Taking on God's DNA mindset - attitude

My Glorious God


This DNA and mindset thing is really blowing My mind.

Please check my thinking on this:

If I consist of the DNA of my parents and family, it means that my DNA changes when I become Your daughter, as I then take on Your DNA!

So all the things that were true about me, such as the genetic negatives must then be canceled out and be replaced with genetic positives. My characteristics and personality type will not change, as You have created me in this way for a purpose, and a reason. However, DNA that is not from You, such as weight issues, addiction issues, mental illnesses, violence, sexuality issues, etc. are not from You and are immediately replaced with the healthy, the clean and the pure.

Even more important the DNA thinking we absorb into the core of our bodies since birth must also change. The communists and currently the Muslim believe system are amazing in changing the DNA thinking of their people through constant indoctrination. That we know and that we can address, but it is the "indoctrination" we absorb into our DNA thinking by living in a situation that is the more dangerous and this is the one we normally do NOT know.

Children from the rich and the successful, normally become rich and successful themselves, because their whole DNA thinking has been programmed this way.
Children out of creative homes, are normally creative themselves, because their whole DNA thinking has been programmed this way.
Children from academic homes, normally are very academic themselves, because their whole DNA thinking has been programmed this way.
This again we know and we accept and we admire.

However . . .
Children from abusive homes become abusive
Children from addictive homes become addictive
Children from poor homes become poor themselves
This again we know and we work at breaking these "cycles"

What hit me today, is that children from "seemingly normal/ average/ middle class/ Christian homes also absorb the DNA thinking of their homes and we are so IGNORANT and naive about this.
The strong mother sends a message about the role of men in the family
The workaholic father sends a message about the importance/ priority of the family in a man's life
The marriage interaction between grandparents/ parents/ uncle and aunts/ family friends become the essence of the children's marriages.

I have thus absorbed all these DNA thinking into my being, my core, my essence and never questioned it. It was just who I am, who my family is, who we are as a nation, people, country.

What needs to change is my DNA mindset and this has to become more and more like You God, but since we do not realise that our DNA mindset is wrong, we do not question it and therefore we do not address it. We interact with You and the Word the way we have been DNA "programmed" and we keep on perpetuating the same DNA thinking.

Since DNA is the very essence core component of my body, it just IS.
Since DNA thinking is is the very essence core component of my mindset, it just IS.

If I do not on purpose, with passion and vigour and constant commitment reset my DNA thinking, I am going through life less, limited, handicapped.

Is this right God?

If this is right why are we so scared of changing our mindsets and attitudes?
Why are we so quick to say that the Power of Positive Thinking is new age and not from You God?
Why are we so quick to condemn when people say things are going wrong and cannot stay as is?
Why are we so quick to lable the Christians who submit to Your DNA thinking as freaks, unnatural, holier-than-thou?

Is it so comfortable in this place where we are finding ourselves?
Are we just to lazy to work on the "difficult"?
Are we justifying our behaviour with "this is the way God has made me"

I am looking at so many caught in sexuality issues and I am wondering, how much are we (as a people) actually DNA thinking ourselves into these beings, so much so that our bodies change to accommodate our DNA thinking? Or the obese are DNA thought into this spiritual (principality) trap and believe it so much to the very core of their bodies that their bodies proof them right. Or the poor are so trapped in their DNA believes that this is the only reality to them that they cannot break the bondage. Or the unsuccessful stay "losing" for ever as the DNA believe override common sense and intelligence and talent and sabotage themselves in such subtle ways that they do not even realise it.

How much power IS there in my DNA thinking God?
How limited IS my faith that I do not rise above and out of my DNA thinking into Your DNA thinking and believes and attitudes?


If this is all true - anything is possible for us, through the blood of You Jesus Christ and Your power and DNA in us. We are made in Your image!
How do we share this with Your Bride?

How do we let this power and knowledge in our hands and essence of our being become reality and overcome?
Faith
Faith
Faith
My words
My words
My words
My thinking
My thinking
My thinking

My actions and believes
My actions and believes
My actions and believes
The operating centre of my world - my mind needs to be changed - TODAY & TOMORROW & and every next TOMORROW.

How?

Through FAITH in YOU!!!
Through knowing who I AM in YOU who IS.

Your DNA mindset, believes, thinking and attitude changing daughter and bride.

The Joy of the Lord is my Peace

Dearest Abba and Jesus and Holy Spirit

You show me that the world is in chaos and while we can acknowledge and accept that, we are not in chaos.
You show me that I can have peace and order around me, in me and following me, while the world around me can be crazy and hiss and spit at me as much as it wants to.
You fill me with Your Joy and Peace and Strength.
You keep on showing me Your promises and the power in words and the power in what I think, say, believe.
You challenge me to question my believes and faith against my thoughts and actions and words.
You challenge me to explain to You my thinking on Your Power and Healing and Miracles and Works and expose my limited believe system.
You show me how entrenched I have become in thinking western, science, reasoning, explanations, logic and proof.

Then You open my eyes to Your Word and Your Promises and Your Might and Your Power and Your Love.

You top it off with a beautiful email in my inbox.
How I love You.

21/07/2011 - A true RSA story
Dream of the Month – In God’s Presence

Sometimes a person shares a dream that fills you with so much awe that you must share it with others. One such dream was shared by the grandparents of Marzaan who is 4½ years old.

Marzaan’s dream:- “I was playing in a park with Jesus. Grandma was running with me and slid down the slip and slide with me” (her grandparents quickly explained that this grandmother passed away when Marzaan was 18 months old).

“There are angels and there is shining glitter everywhere. You can pick up the glitter and throw it into the air. The glitter is on the angels as well. The ground is very soft. You can bounce on it. Jesus is also there.” “His eyes shine brilliantly!” (at this point she holds her arm over her eyes to demonstrate that His eyes were shining so brilliantly that she could only peek at Him from under her arm and not look at Him directly).

“Then Jesus’ Daddy also arrived. When He walks, you fall over and bounce on the ground when you fall” (at this point she laughs as she explains how she falls). “You can’t stay on your feet when He is there”. On a question of what Jesus’ Daddy (God) looks like she simply says “I could not see, it hurt my eyes when I tried to look at Him”.

Interpretation:- This is one of the dreams that you have to read with the heart of a child. It is such a simple, honest explanation of what she experienced. In her simple language she expresses the glory and power of the presence of God. When this was shared with me the first time, a powerful anointing surrounded me and I knew that I need to share this with as many people as possible. A powerful sense of love and peace flowed through me as if the Lord was standing with me. In this dream He shows us that we have to be as childlike in our faith as Marzaan. Just to sit with Him, experience His presence and to enjoy His company. It is a call not to do things to try and earn His approval, but to receive His grace and love, fully longing and expecting to be in His presence. What makes this dream unique is for Marzaan to remember and recognize a grandmother that passed away when she was only 18 months old. 

This is a confirmation of the authenticity of the dream. To experience the brilliant glory of God, whether it is in a dream or in the natural is an awesome experience. There does not seem to be a special message or anything to interpret. It is just an expression of the love of God, that takes the time to visit a little girl while she is playing in the park. Maybe He is saying to you “Come and play with me, you are way to serious!” Song 7:10-12  I am my Beloved's, and His desire is toward me. 11  Come, my Beloved, let us go out into the field; let us stay in the villages. 12  Let us rise up early to the vineyards; let us see if the vine flowers, whether the tender grape appears, and the pomegranates bud forth; there I will give You my loves. (MKJV)

Why do Your children go through difficulties?

Dear Abba

The last couple of years have been very difficult for me. Every time I think this is the end of the road of adversity, something new hits me square in the face.

Three months ago, I hit such a low and was ready to quit, but You held tightly onto me and pulled me out of the pit of self-pity and defeat. You placed me on the rock of Jesus Christ and refreshed and renewed my mind.

The adversity did  not end, in fact it feels as if it has intensified. More things are going wrong, it is more difficult to manage and go on the road I am on. BUT, my mindset and attitude has changed. You opened my eyes for sin, wrong believes, wrong attitudes, wrong actions in my life. You exposed me to new writers, preachers, prophets and opened You Word in such beautiful new ways that I am amazed.

So I pondered the age old question? How come God allows His children to go through adversity? AND, suddenly it all just made sense.

There are always just two kinds . . .
Two kinds of people

1. Those who do NOT to believe in YOU
2. Those who believe in YOU

The 1st kind is:
those who choose not to believe in one God, Almighty, Omnipresent, Omnicient
those who scoff and laugh at the "foolish" and the "naive" for believing in You
those who mock You Word and find many reasons to dispute it
those who believe in themselves or false gods or other religions
those who profess not to believe in anything

These are normally the FIRST to question Your existence when something goes wrong. They do not believe in You, but are quick to questions You or cry to You when they are in difficulties of some kind or other

The 2nd kind is:
those who believe in You as God Trinity
Again there are 2 kinds -  2 kinds of Christians

1. Those who sees You as a quick fix or the solution to their problems, whereby You are just the provider, the ATM, the one at their beck and call.
2. Those who have true relationship with You God, who loves You and desire a relationship with You. Those who learn and study and spend time with You

 The 1st kind is:

• superficial
• lazy
• in it for what they can get out of You God
• the quick road, the short cut, without putting in the time and the effort to build a relationship with You
• Others must pray for them
• Others must think and find the answer from You Abba for them
• Others must heal them
• Others must cut them special slack and favours, because after all it is their right as Christians
• Others must do the work and they just want to open their mouths and get fed by the "best" showmanship church/ preacher out there
• They want a warm and fuzzy Sunday experience and then their mind is eased for the next seven days
• They do not question anything, but follow the most convincing preacher/ speaker/ programme
• They want the easy and the high road and no suffering or adversity or tests coming their way
• They do not pay the price for being a child of You the Utmost High

At the first sign of problems, stretching, testing, adversity, forming of their character into a child of the Kingdom of Heaven, they fold and accuse and also are quick to question You and how You can let this happen????
Or they are just fatalistic and say this is the way it is suppose to be, who am I to disagree or question God
Or they do not even notice that this are going wrong around them, as they are nice and warm in their own little world/ comfort zone
Those who are Christians through tradition/ legalism find it difficult to have a personal relationship with You and also are quick to question Your existence/ love/ motive when things are not going according to THEIR plan

The 2nd kind of Christians are those who . . .

• realise that building a relationship with You takes time and "work/effort"
• study Your Word for truth
• spend time in prayer and learning
• pay the price in terms of time, giving up things to be able to spend time with You
• make life choices that do not always make them the most popular, but which they know is what You require from Your children
• are called the "fanaticals", the "freaks", the"fundamentalist", the foolish and the naive.
• realise that so many life choices have been "limited" to God choices, 
• I cannot marry anyone I want to anymore
• I cannot do with my money and possessions what I want to anymore
• I cannot make a life decisions without consulting You first 
• I cannot stay in the same circle of friends/ church/ environment I always did
• I cannot make decisions and then just expect You to adhere to my choices and bless it 
• I cannot watch any TV programme, listen to any radio station/ music, read any book I want to, but have to measure against God principles and the voice of the Spirit in my soul
• I cannot react anyway I want to, but have to let the flesh die to the spirit man
• I do not have the right to condemnation anymore, but have to hand it over to You God
• realise that we are in a constant, continuous, never ending battle/ war/ fight against the darkness and that it will never end here on earth
• realise that adversity will constantly hammer us from all sides
• realise that we need to be purified, strengthened, made humble everyday of my live

All of this sounds so painful and tiring and almost like constant punishment from You Abba.
But the more time we spend in Your presence, the more beautiful our relationship becomes.
The more we grow in relationship with You, the more worldly measurements and values and priorities lose it glamour and allure.
The more we live in Your "limited" world, the more free we become, the more possibilities there are, the more we have peace and joy and choices

I have come to realise that I need to embrace the adversity
I have come to realise that I need to rejoice in the attacks from the enemy
I have come to realise that it is the heat and the problems and the adversity that brings all the impurities to the service to be faced and dealt with. To be removed and cleaned off.
I have come to realise that it is in the deepest pit that I call to You with the most intensity
I have come to realise it is deep calling to Deep that brings healing
I have come to realise that when I am being purified it is the time I seek You the most with passion and intensity
I have come to realise that in it all it is possible to live in Your peace and joy
I have come to realise this is when I step into faith and out of tradition and legalism
I have come to realise that I NEED the adversity, the war, the testing, the gentle admonitions, the reprimands, the reproach to keep me on the right road.
I have come to realise that it is only through these periods of purification that my faith grows and my relationship with You deepens and increase in understanding, power and authority Abba and Jesus Christ
I have come to the place in my relationship with You, where although it is not pleasant, I have realised that I need You more than I breath and that I need to be purified so that I can become more and more who You desire me to be and less and less of my own selfish needs and preconceived ideas.

So why do Your children go through difficulties?
- because we chose to sin
- because we chose to turn away/ against You Abba
- because we open doors to our lives with wrong choices
- because we do not want to put in the time and effort that is needed in any intimate relationship - also with You
- because we hold onto traditions/ wrong believes
- because we refuse to listen when You speak to our spirit
- because we do not KNOW Your Word and how we should be living a Godly live
- because we hold onto old hurts and bitterness and attitudes and do not give it up with ease
- because we need to be brought into the deepest relationship with You and only through experience, purification and adversity do we learn You voice, strategies, expectaions
- because we need to be tested for strength, for commitment, for faith
- because we need to climb out of our comfort zones and sometime the only way we can be taught this is to be pushed out of the nest
- because we need to discover our own strength and authority in You Christ
- because we need to change our mindsets and attitudes and words
- because this is the way to wearing our crown and seal and entrance into heaven

MOSTLY, because You are in charge and You know where and what You want to achieve through and with Us.

So thank You Abba for the never ending road You walk with me.
Thank You Jesus for never giving up on me
Thank You Holy Spirit for filling me daily with new wisdom and knowledge and insight and power

Your humble daughter, sister, bride, priest, earthly way

Bride of the King

Dear Daddy

I have been thinking about being Your daughter and who You are as Dada for so long. The journey has been exciting, painful, humbling and worth every step of the road You have lead me on.
And then I thought it is now right to move from daughter to bride. I wanted to write about being not just daughter, but also bride, but I just could not get it down in writing. You kept on taking me on this journey of being with Jesus Christ and I kept on wondering WHY?

I know Jesus.
- He is the Son
- He is the Saviour
- He is the Intercessor
- He is sitting at Your right hand side on the throne
- He is the Bridegroom
- He is the one through whom we pray to You
- He is the new Covenant

Till I suddenly realised I did not really KNOW You King Jesus. You were all of these things, but my picture of You were limited and blurry. It was soft and young and romantic. You were the perfect older brother and the perfect bridegroom, but You were not the God King Brother and Bridegroom in my faith life.

I have made You so much less than who You really are.
I did not begin to understand that You are GOD, ALL POWERFUL, ALL MIGHTY, ALL KNOWING
I did not even begin to fathom that You are ageless, strong, powerful and King.
You are King over the heavens and earth.
You are King over all on the earth
You are in on the plan, not just part of the plan for the universe and earth and me.
You are not "just" the son. You are the SON!!!!
You are fully, totally, ultimately GOD.
You love ME with passion and vigour and tenaciousness.
You are not giving up on me. Not till the last moment of my time here on earth in my physical body are You letting go or giving up on me.
Your blood is covering me not just as my Saviour, but also as my Protector and my Rock and my Power and my Strength.

Jesus Christ Your name is above all names and I honour You as my King and as my Bridegroom.
Thank You for showing me who You are every day.
Thank You for opening my eyes to my own limited, shallow faith in You.
Thank You for never leaving nor forsaking me.
Thank You for an undying passion and love for me.
Thank You that you are walking with me step by step on this journey of discovery.
Thank You for turning me from self- centred to God- centred.

I do not just love You, but I have fallen IN love with You my King.

Daddy, thank You for taking me on this journey of deeper and deeper faith and understanding and wisdom and knowledge, but mostly thank You for making me EXPERIENCE Your love.

Your daughter and Your Bride

Psalm 45
To the Chief Musician; [set to the tune of] "Lilies" [probably a popular air. A Psalm] of the sons of Korah. A skillful song, or a didactic or reflective poem. A song of love.
1MY HEART overflows with a [a]goodly theme; I address my psalm to a King. My tongue is like the pen of a ready writer.
2You are fairer than the children of men; graciousness is poured upon Your lips; therefore God has blessed You forever.
3Gird Your sword upon Your thigh, O mighty One, in Your glory and Your majesty!
4And in Your majesty ride on triumphantly for the cause of truth, humility, and righteousness (uprightness and right standing with God); and let Your right hand guide You to tremendous things.
5Your arrows are sharp; the peoples fall under You; Your darts pierce the hearts of the King's enemies.
6Your throne, O God, is forever and ever; the scepter of righteousness is the scepter of Your kingdom.
7You love righteousness, uprightness, and right standing with God and hate wickedness; therefore God, Your God, has anointed You with the oil of gladness above Your fellows.
8Your garments are all fragrant with myrrh, aloes, and cassia; stringed instruments make You glad.
9Kings' daughters are among Your honorable women; at Your right hand stands the queen in gold of Ophir.
10Hear, O daughter, consider, submit, and consent to my instruction: forget also your own people and your father's house;
11So will the King desire your beauty; because He is your Lord, be submissive and reverence and honor Him.
12And, O daughter of Tyre, the richest of the people shall entreat your favor with a gift.
13The King's daughter in the inner part [of the palace] is all glorious; her clothing is inwrought with gold.
14She shall be brought to the King in raiment of needlework; with the virgins, her companions that follow her, she shall be brought to You.
15With gladness and rejoicing will they be brought; they will enter into the King's palace.
16Instead of Your fathers shall be Your sons, whom You will make princes in all the land.
17I will make Your name to be remembered in all generations; therefore shall the people praise and give You thanks forever and ever.

Footnotes:
a. Psalm 45:1 Jesus spoke of what was written of Him "in the Psalms" (see Luke 24:44). This is one such Messianic psalm. However, the capitalization indicating the deity is offered provisionally. The chapter is written against the background of a secular royal wedding. But the New Testament reference to this psalm in Heb. 1:8, 9, where verses 6 and 7 of Psalm 45 are quoted and applied to Christ, makes any other interpretation seem incidental in importance.

God is Here in my field op oppression

SMALL STRAWS IN A SOFT WIND by Marsha Burns -- 7/1/11:

In a vision I was in a heavily forested area, and the trees were so numerous that the sunshine was thin and there was a sense of foreboding and a I had a tendency to be weighed down with the darkness. Then, I emerged into a clearing. It was a rather large meadow filled with grass, wild flowers, and abundant sunshine. And, I heard the Lord say that those who will believe in and trust in Him are about to emerge from a season of oppression. There will be a clearing away of those things that have been a burden to His people.
Isaiah 9:4 For You have broken the yoke of his burden and the staff of his shoulder, the rod of his oppressor, as in the day of Midian.

Rise up

THE TRUMPET by Bill Burns -- 6/27/11:
On your behalf I speak to adversity, for I the Lord come to bring the power of My voice over the power that has come against you. For, I have been given all authority, and by that authority I speak over your life that you may be totally free from all adversity, oppression, depression, fear, anxiety and worry. When I am with you, you cannot be defeated. I speak into your life--peace be still. And, there will come a great calm and a great benefit. No longer allow yourself to sit down in the very pit and doldrums of failure, but arise to new heights. As the sun rises each day, arise and shine for you are the people of light; the children of light and the glory of My kingdom upon the earth. It is time for you to come to a new understanding of who you are in Me and who I am in you. It is time for you to feel the power of My wind upon you; the power of the wind that flows through your mind and regenerates your spirit. Come this day and receive a fresh baptism and allow the wind of My Spirit to move you and to lift you. Come and fly with Me, says the Lord.

 
SMALL STRAWS IN A SOFT WIND by Marsha Burns -- 6/27/11:
Your mind is the devil's playground, but it is your battleground. In order for you to stay free from the enemy's oppression, you must wage war on the attacks that come against your thoughts. You do this by using truth to combat the lies and fighting fear with faith. You have been given the weapons of war that are effective in gaining victory, but you must do the work, says the Lord. 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.

Nederigheid

Liefste Pappa en Liefste Jesus Christus

Vandag buig ek net voor U troon en aanbid U.
Vandag eer ek U met lofliedere.
Vandag dans ek in U warm lig, lig my arms op en staan voor U in dankbaarheid en nederigheid.
Vandag erken ek:
* ek is wie U se ek is
* ek het wat U se ek het
* ek kan doen wat U se ek kan doen

Sonder U is ek niks
Met U is ek ALLES

Sonder U kan ek niks
Met U kan ek ALLES

Sonder U het ek niks
Met U het ek ALLES

Ek buig voor U in aanbiddin en erkenning as my Koning, my Here, my ALLES, my "Ek is"

Liefde

Killers of my faith - that did not succeed

Dearest Abba

It is a while since I have written to you, but at least we speak all the time. Over the last couple of weeks You have been so amazing to me. You have patiently listened to me rant and rave, quietly and calmly waiting to get it out of my system so that I can be quiet and listen to Your voice of love, compassion, kindness and reason.

You have offered me Your shoulder to sob on, allowing me to cry and cry till I thought I cannot cry anymore and then You have gently wiped my tears with Your big, gentle hands of love.

You have watched me through tantrums, making threats, being obnoxious, walking away, falling down, accusing You of the most blasphemies things, feeling sorry for myself, sulking, rebellion and SO much more. You did not turn Your back on me, You did not give up on me, You did not threaten me. You just reached a point where You said "This is now enough My Beloved. Stop right there and now lets get up and start fresh. Let us build a stronger, better relationship. Let us grow in faith and understanding 

Then You did the most amazing, awesome, wonderful thing. You hugged me, You held me, You comforted me, You showed me Your HEART!

It took years before I finally stood naked and stripped and repented and empty before You. It took years and years before I dropped all the masks and all the "right" attitudes and all the "right" words and actions and let it just ALL hang out and allowed You into the deepest recessed of my mind and heart and soul and spirit.


Then You cleansed me. You showed me that I have allowed four roots into my spiritual world with You:

1. Guilt
2. Condemnation
3. Perfection
4. Inferiority

Bottom line to all of these, trying to win Your love and Your favour and Your attention through WORKS.

all four these roots have the same fruit:

• Nothing is GOOD enough
• Not serious/ committed enough
• Not ENOUGH
• Work harder, do more, have higher and "better" standards, spend more time, obtain more knowledge, be more spiritual, be stronger, be more focused, repent more, suffer more, be serious, understand your worthlessness
• Who do you think you are to even be in God’s presence
• MORE + Not ENOUGH + Work

So through my works and my deeds I tried to be such a GOOD Christian, such a committed daughter - and it was just never enough. I never felt at peace or happy or content or loved. Just guilty, guilty, guilty!

You blessed me, You anointed me, you provided for me through all these years, because You saw in my heart that although I was on the wrong road and it was leading to such destruction that at the bottom of it was my passion for YOU, my love for YOU and my intense desire to KNOW YOU. You understand my background and church. You understand my hurts and disappointments. You know the lies and deceit I have been fed. You cry with me over the world I live in. You KNOW.

Dada thank You for being the perfect, loving, compassionate, merciful, awesome Father that You have always been to and for me.
Jesus Christ thank You for being my Saviour, my Rock, my Groom, my Brother, my Provider, my Advocate, my Lover through it ALL.
Holy Spirit thank You for being my Wisdom, my Knowledge, my Power and Strength and my Insight over all the years.

FINALLY! You must shout with Joy and Exaltation – FINALLY! Our Beloved understand about FAITH and the beauty of FAITH and the power of FAITH and the joy of FAITH.
FINALLY! She realised that the road she was on was destroying her and killing off her passion and faith bit by bit by bit.

FINALLY!!!! I want to shout from the rooftops!! God has shown me His face.
Romans 8: 1 For there is NO more condemnation for those who live in Christ Jesus.

There is NO more condemnation for ME. Yes I am going to make mistakes. Yes I am going to stuff up. Yes I wasted so many years and so many of my promises and so much Father wanted to show me and give me, but it is not too late and there is NO condemnation for me from my God.&

The one who is heaping on the guilt and the condemnation and fear and inferiority and doubt is the enemy - the roaring beast who came to steal and lie and kill. The one who has been OVERCOME and is DEFEATED.

Does this mean he is going to leave me alone - oh no - he is doubling his actions to bring me to my knees Daddy, but now I understand FAITH to the core of my soul. Now I know what it means to resist the devil and he WILL flee from me.

Now I understand that He (YOU) who is in me is greater than he who is in the WORLD.
Now I understand what it means that if YOU are for me, who can be against me!
Now I understand my place in Your household.
Now I understand that I can do anything through You Jesus, You who strengthen me.
Now I understand Your promises to ME!!!

Daddy, I am filled with such love and peace and joy and passion and excitement and expectation and hope and words let me down

I honour YOU
I worship YOU
I love YOU
I admire YOU

Jesus Christ, You are the love and the centre of my LIFE
Holy Spirit You fill me with FAITH and understanding and knowledge and wisdom and insight and POWER

I proclaim YOUR name above all names my GOD.
I thank You

Your Beloved

Daughter - 1 continued

Romans 8

 ¹THEREFORE, [there is] now no condemnation (no adjudging guilty of wrong) for those who are in Christ Jesus, who live [and] walk not after the dictates of the flesh, but after the dictates of the Spirit.

Galatians 1

    ¹⁰Now am I trying to win the favor of men, or of God? Do I seek to please men? If I were still seeking popularity with men, I should not be a bond servant of Christ (the Messiah).

Galatians 3

    ²⁶For in Christ Jesus you are all sons (children) of God through faith.

Galatians 4

    ⁶And because you [really] are [His] sons (children), God has sent the [Holy] Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, Abba (Father)! Father!

    ⁷Therefore, you are no longer a slave (bond servant) but a son (child); and if a son (child), then [it follows that you are] an heir by the aid of God, through Christ.

Galatians 6

    ⁹And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the appointed season we shall reap, if we do not loosen and relax our courage and faint.

Daughter - 1

Dear Dad

My heart is just overflowing and I have so much to share with You.

If not for Your Grace, Your Mercy where would I be?
I know!
Fumbling along in the dark, while thinking I am actually walking in the light like so many people today. How stupidly ignorant do I stumble along, calling myself Your daughter and yet despite reading and studying and filling my world and my mind and my soul with sermons, preachings, books, gospel music, conferences, workshops, studies, audios, music and walking and working and talking gospel, faith, Jesus, You, I keep on being confronted with my own ignorance, my own close mindedness, small mindedness, lack of insight, understanding.

I am so filled with living lies and lies and lies, the slime, the poison satan has spewed over me and planted in my mind and memory and heart, that I just cannot grasp who I really am in You. Who You created me to be, what You have created me for, what power You have placed me.

I stand before my fellow Christians and their lifes are so together. They seem to know who and what they are in You Daddy. I tell them of my turmoil and they answer, almost embarrassed that I can admit that I am in a mess, and glibly they ensure me that I am strong women and will overcome this quickly. Or they launch into a sermon and preaching and telling me why I cannot think or feel this way. Or they go on and on about their own lifes and how they are coping, never admitting that they might at times also feel like this. That would be to honest for us as superwoman and super-Christians of the 21st century would it not? That would mean others might think less of them.

Then when I am finally standing before You, or should I rather say lying with my face in the mud, when my thoughts have spiraled out of control and all I know is despair and fear and stark despondency.
Spent, tired, without hope and even precious little faith left.
No strength left in me to get myself up again.

YOU take me by the hand and lift me up. Not to stand on my own two feet, but to cradle me in Your arms, against Your strength. You hold me gently and tenderly like a small frightened child and carry me carefully and lovingly to Your heavenly palace. You gently put me down and clean me up, wiping of the mud, wiping away the tears.

Your angels come and minister to me. Washing me from top to bottom. Cleansing me from dirt, pain, lies, anger, bitterness, hopelessness, fear, despair, darkness and false believes, from attachments and curses, from ties and promises to and by the enemy.
They wash my hair and massage my stressed and tired muscles. They rub the anointed oils into every cell of my body. They restore my inner beauty and feminine nature.

I stand naked, but cleansed and oiled and anointed.
Gently they assist me in putting on soft, clean, fresh silk underclothes.
Over this You have provided me with a coat of purple, blue and gold, embroidered with gold silk threads.
You give them new shoes to place on my feet that has been washed with scented water.
They place Your crown on my head  with a gossamer soft veil hanging down my back.
You place a gold signet ring on my finger.
Then You take my hand, hug me tightly to You, before leading me as Your daughter to the banquet hall.
All the saints are there waiting for Your entrance and when You introduce me to them as Your BELOVED blood daughter, they rise and praise Your name. They rejoice with You and welcome me with open arms.
Holy
Holy
Holy
is the name of the Lord.

Leading me through the length of the room so that everyone can meet me and welcome me into our household, You seat me at Your right hand and clapping Your hands, the angels place a feast on the table before us.

"My beloved, eat and drink and rejoice with the saints. You were lost, but now You are found. You were dead, but now You live. You were sad, but now you are filled with Joy."

"My beloved, know that I have cleansed you of your sins. Do not sin anymore."

"My beloved, you know own the full armour of My Kingdom.

• The helmet of salvation - because you are saved
• The breastplate of righteousness - because you are now my righteousness through the blood of Jesus Christ
• The belt of truth - because the truth is that which I have given you in my Word -
• You are the top and not the bottom
• You are coming in and not going out
• You are the head and not the tail
• You are more than a conqueror as I am stronger than he who is in the world
• You can do anything through Jesus Christ who strengthens you
• Everything your hand touch will prosper
• You are blessed so that you can be a blessing to others
• and so much more - Go and find your promises in my name!
• The shoes to spread the gospel of peace - where you walk, my presence will be
• The shield of faith with which you can reflect the burning missiles of the enemy
• The sword of Spirit, that both protect and attack - the Word on which you can stand

I am feeling overwhelmed and bewildered, not sure if this is the truth or a cruel dream, a deepest childhood fantasy, an inner craving from which I am going to wake any minute now.
 
Then You come and crouch in front of me, look deeply into my eyes with eyes that are warm, kind, loving and sparkling with laughter lines. You take my hands in Yours. With great love, warmth, compassion looking directly into my eyes you ask:

"Do you not know that you are My beloved daughter!"

"Do you not understand what this means!"

"Do you not understand how much you mean to ME!"

"Do you not have any idea what I would do for you!"

Daddy then only did I realise that You love me with a Godly, Daddy love. Your love is pure and protective and unconditional and without sexual overtones, legalism, conditional requirements, without judgement and punishment.

Daddy, You are everything I longed for, wished for, prayed for, but were to scarred and scared to embrace in case it is another mirage, another dream and it slipped through my hopes and desires and dreams and fingers again.

Daddy, I softly whisper while crying with joy - thank You and I love You!.

Isaiah 61:3 (Amplified Bible)

³To grant [consolation and joy] to those who mourn in Zion--to give them an ornament (a garland or diadem) of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, the garment [expressive] of praise instead of a heavy, burdened, and failing spirit--that they may be called oaks of righteousness [lofty, strong, and magnificent, distinguished for uprightness, justice, and right standing with God], the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.

The silent cry - The silent scream

Dearest Daddy

Yesterday I was reminded of the famous painting by Edvard Munch - "The Scream" or "The Cry". A painting that the painter felt so intense about that he has painted different versions in different mediums of this one painting. A painting so well known that it has been used in various ways and for various reasons over the years - even "The Simpson's" has ripped it off. A simple Google search produces page after page of images of copies or replications or dramatizations of this one painting that is more than a 100 years old.

Why? 

Why does an old painting depicting pain, horror, crying, anguish still hold the attention of the world so many decades later?

What is it about this painting that speak to us even today in the 21st century?

Is it because so many people are walking around with a silent scream lodged in their throats and chests?

Is it because we live in a world of masks hiding our pain and showing the world only what we believe the world wants to see?

Is it because we are so busy trying to be super humans, and super Christians that we are too scared for the world to see our silent screams?

Is it because so many people wants to find a bridge, a lonely and quiet place and just scream and scream and scream to heaven?

How many of us are walking around with a silent scream, a cry to be seen and to be loved and to be held and to be heard?

How many of us are holding in the scream of pain from difficulties, abuse, not coping, loneliness, problems, worries, illness behind a smile?

How many of us are hiding a need for love and care behind the answer "I am well/ fine/ good and you?"

How many of us are holding in a silent scream from bitterness, jealously, hatred, pain, rejection, disappointment, bad self image, feeling lost, not understanding what is happening or not happening to us, behind a face of serenity and supposed strength? 

Daddy and Sweet Jesus

Only at your feet do we find a release for our silent scream. Only at your feet can we be totally honest and take of the masks and the face and show You the truth inside our hearts and minds.

You know when we just need to be held in silent love

You know when we need a kick in the backside to get us going out of our self-misery

You know when we need understanding and compassion

You know when we need a word of advise

You know when we need intervention and help

You know when we have reached the end of all our resources and cannot move forward anymore

You know when we are being killed by the silent scream

You know when we do not want a sermon, platitudes and nice advise, empty words

You know when we cannot face another sermon or speech about faith

You know when we want to scream hearing about the wonderful and perfect lives of other people, how you work in their lives and how they cannot stop talking about themselves in their holiness

You know when we feel like crawling out of our own skin

You know

You know

You know  

Dad, Jesus Christ and Holy Spirit

Thank You for never judging and finding me too light, lacking, weak, not worthy

Thank You for not wanting to make me anything except that which You have created me to be

Thank You for knowing and still loving me

Thank You for never rejecting me

Thank You for understanding 

Thank You for grace and mercy - unending

Thank You for burning in me like a roaring fire

Thank You for hearing and answering my silent scream - so many times
Thank You for holding on even in the times of my silent screams

Thank You for the promises and blessings spoken over my life and that not one word from Your mouth will ever come back void and empty

Thank You

Psalm 35 (King James Version)

 ²¹Yea, they opened their mouth wide against me, and said, Aha, aha, our eye hath seen it.
 ²²This thou hast seen, O LORD: keep not silence: O Lord, be not far from me.
 ²³Stir up thyself, and awake to my judgment, even unto my cause, my God and my Lord.
 ²⁴Judge me, O LORD my God, according to thy righteousness; and let them not rejoice over me.
 ²⁵Let them not say in their hearts, Ah, so would we have it: let them not say, We have swallowed him up.
 ²⁶Let them be ashamed and brought to confusion together that rejoice at mine hurt: let them be clothed with shame and dishonour that magnify themselves against me.
 ²⁷Let them shout for joy, and be glad, that favour my righteous cause: yea, let them say continually, Let the LORD be magnified, which hath pleasure in the prosperity of his servant.
 ²⁸And my tongue shall speak of thy righteousness and of thy praise all the day long.

Info on "The Scream" from Wikipedia
The Scream (Norwegian: Skrik; created in 1893–1910) is the title of expressionist paintings and prints in a series by Norwegian artist Edvard Munch, showing an agonized figure against a blood red sky. The landscape in the background is the Oslofjord, viewed from the hill of Ekeberg, in Oslo (then Kristiania), Norway.
 
Edvard Munch created several versions of The Scream in various media. The Munch Museum holds one of two painted versions (1910, see gallery) and one pastel. The National Gallery of Norway holds the other painted version (1893, shown to right). A fourth version, in pastel, is owned by Norwegian businessman Petter Olsen. Munch also created a lithograph of the image in 1895.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Scream

Bankruptcy - GOD

Dearest Daddy

What a horrible feeling knowing that I have reached total bankruptcy. That the tanks are empty and there are no reserves left to fall back on.
- Emotional reserve = empty
- Spiritual reserve = empty
- Financial reserve = empty
- Relational reserve = empty
- Intellectual reserve = empty
- Physical reserve = empty

What a good place to be in, because now I have nothing to hold back, to keep as a back-up, to rely on.

Just Your hand of love and grace and mercy to cling to with and for my life.

Dearest Daddy

I only have You left.
I have messed up
I have sinned
I have done wrong
I have given up

I only have You left
You are my Rock
You are my Salvation

You are my Grace
You are my Strength
You are my Insight
You are my Knowledge
You are my Wisdom
You are my Provider
You are my Protector
You are my Healer
You are my Restorer

Dearest Daddy

You are my all and my only
Thank you that I know You are going to change my tears into joy





Through the tears I hold on to Your hand.
I cry
   Jesus
    Jesus
     Jesus

My Saviour
                Save me!!!!!

                In You alone I trust

Psalm 126;(The Message)

A Pilgrim Song

It seemed like a dream, too good to be true, when God returned Zion's exiles.

We laughed, we sang,

we couldn't believe our good fortune.

We were the talk of the nations—

"God was wonderful to them!"

"God was wonderful to us;

we are one happy people.

"God, do it again—

bring rains to our drought-stricken lives

So those who planted their crops in despair

will shout hurrahs at the harvest, 

5They who sow in tears shall reap in joy and singing.
"6He who goes forth bearing seed and weeping [at needing his precious supply of grain for sowing] shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.

So those who went off with heavy hearts

will come home laughing, with armloads of blessing.

Darkness to Light

Good morning Dearest Abba

It is a cold, stark and dreary morning. The sky is an icy blue and I am sitting here on a cold metal step, in front of a revamped container. The person that I confirmed my meeting with is not here and seems to be off sick for the day and nobody knows what to do about the work we have planned to do. Here I sit, my feet and nose has gone numb, around me are heaps of garbage, rejects and off casts of industry, waiting to be recycled and made new.

It is noisy, dirty, fumes in the air, gray and uninspiring. Everybody is in overalls and grimy from the work they do. Trucks are revving, cranes are creaking, metal are being banged and dropped. It is just so dead, so empty, so stark.

But in front of me there is a little oasis of beauty, a patch of well kept grass, with trees and shrubs, pots and an architecturally well designed building, bringing warmth and colour to the bleak surroundings. I sit here and suddenly I realised this is what You are to me.

You are my patch of beauty in this world of gloom and starkness. You are showing me that in the midst of all the garbage there is beauty. You are leading me out of the darkness into the light. You fill me with renewed energy and strength to take one step at a time towards renewal, towards love, joy, peace, patience, friendliness, goodness, gentleness, kindness, humbleness and self control through Your Amazing Grace.

God, what would I be if it was not for Your Grace?
God, what would I be if it was not for Your Love?
God, what would I be if it was not for Your Mercy?

God, where would I be today if it was not for Your presence in my life?
God, where would I be today if You do not hold tightly onto me?
So many times, so often I am ready to give in to the monsters crawling all over my mind and emotions.
So many times, so often I am ready to give up in the face of the forces of evil and darkness closing in on me.
So many times, so often I am on the verge of losing hope and even my faith.

But, You are my Rock, my Fortress, my Hope, my reason for getting up again and going on.
You are the reason I can continue every day
You are the reason I keep on believing in today and tomorrow
You are the reason I keep putting one foot in front of the other
You are the reason I keep on going.

You are the reason I do what I do and cling to a vision of being a patch of beauty and hope to others feeling the same way I do.
You are the reason I strive to be grace to the world around me, so that I can reflect Your unconditional grace and hope.
You are the reason why I have a burning desire to take others by the hand and help them take one step at a time out of the darkness into the light.

I can nothing without You my God.
I do not have the knowledge, insight, wisdom and power to do it on my own.
I do not have the energy or faith to do it on my own.
I do not have the ability to bring to fruit the vision, the dream, the passion on my own.

I bring You the cry of my heart and I lay it at Your feet Abba, in the name of Jesus Christ.
I bring You my weakness and powerlessness.
I cry to You to open the path before me and to lead me where You need me to be.

I cannot do this without You my God.
I cannot!
I cannot!
I cannot!

I can do this WITH You my God
I can!
I can!
I can!

I can do all this through him who gives me strength. - Philippians 4:13

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 4:6-7

Psalm 119:105 "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path"

I love You Abba
Your Princess

Hercules and the ants

My GREAT and BIG Father

I suddenly realised how small I have made You all my life. We see these movies or hear the songs or read these stories about the battles between You and the enemy and they depict You and the enemy as equals in the battle. They depict your army as just being better organised and disciplined and that is why they win against the unorganised, infighting, undisciplined army of the enemy.

That is not the only truth. The bigger truth is that You are just stronger and bigger and mightier and more powerful than the enemy can ever hope or dream to be in any lifetime.

You are like Hercules and the enemy and his cronies area like ants. You can blow them away with a whisper, squash them with your small tone or your thumb. Their threats and curses and evil ways do not even have a slight effect on You. You blow it of like a bug, You squash the enemy like a bug. They are just a nuisance and a bug to You, the Almighty, All Powerful, All Present.

I love You and are so glad YOU are MY DAD.
Your empowered daughter.

Genade

Goeiemiddag Pappie

Genade is net nie iets wat vir my sin maak nie. Maak nie saak hoeveel ek daaroor lees en dink nie. Dit is nie 'n term wat deel is van ons alledaagse woordeskat nie.

Genade vir daardie een wat my so seer maak
Genade vir daardie een wat my so kwaad maak
Genade vir daardie een wat my so bekommerd maak
Genade vir daardie een wat my so in die rug steek
Genade vir daardie een wat my so teleurstel
Genade vir my eie onvermoëns, eie sondes, eie teleurstellings is ook maar oppervlakkig

Genade is net nie 'n begrip wat maklik kom nie en daarom is dit n begrip wat moeilik is om my kop om te kry, om my gedagtes tasbaar te laat maak, om die omvang van te verstaan.

Dankie Abba, dat U nie genade uitdeel met dieselfde maatstaf waarmee ons dit uitdeel nie, want dan was ek regtig in die moeilikheid.

Dankie Abba dat U genade onvoorwaardelik is
Dankie Abba dat U genade sonder einde is.
Dankie Abba.